I am a Googler. I work hard everyday, online advertising is my forte. The days roll into one another and the month passes by. Then when it's the first of the month and I open my mail box, I see the QTP mail; The script. I look over it, search for familiar names and plays, sigh and think, why couldn't I be like Quasar, throw away my hunger for a well paid job and do what I am really, really good at? Theatre production.

This month was no different. I opened my mail box. Saw The Script. And then something just snapped. I picked up the phone and called Quasar. I was ready to break down and cry. I wanted to tell him I miss it all. I miss the late nights. I miss Toral looking all calm and composed while we run around mindlessly. I miss Karl giving me advice on how to get along with difficult people. I miss lying down on the wooden boards and staring up at the hallogens. I miss making countless lists. I miss worrying about sponsors. And most of all, I miss the tight feeling I get in my heart right before a show.

So did I tell him? No. Because we talked like nothing has changed. Theatre does that to you. Once a theaterwallah, always a theatrewallah. I am theatre positive, like Q says. If needed, I can jump right back into the game and make countless lists, tour the backalleys of Crawford market looking for a good deal on clothes hangers, give Q a hug because I need to give someone a hug, smile in sisterhood with Toral. But I was close to begging him for a job. I think I almost did. I asked him if he could find something for me to do when I visit Mumbai sometime in November.

If only I shared Quasar's conviction in theatre. If only it were easy for me to throw it all away and become a production assistant again. If only I could follow my dreams instead of staying on due to a disgusting, practical love for money.

If only I could go back.

Look this up for inspiration. It features one of my favorite men; Quasar Thakore Padamsee.
http://www.hindu.com/mp/2005/05/18/stories/2005051800970400.htm